I was watching Pujols hit number 500 out in Nationals Park
this morning on SportsCenter, and just thinking about how much I disapprove of
the Angels now being called the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim. I do understand the owner’s perspective that
he wants to market the team to the bigger city in the metro area, but anyone
who actually lives in Los Angeles makes a clear distinction between L.A. and
Orange County. It’s not the same place,
so the team name shouldn’t pretend it is.
It really isn’t even pretending- it’s saying “We know they play in one
place, but we’re naming it after this other one.” I was accused the other day about trying to
make up the names for how teams name each other, in regards to what right the
Brooklyn Nets have to name their team after the borough. But I’ve come around on that. Brooklyn is a huge entity, with a huge
identity, so they should go for it.
Which brings me to the first rule:
Rule 1: Thou Shalt Name Thy Team
After the Smallest Possible Entity Thou Can Which Most Respects the People of
that Area.
When I was first granted
these rules from the Great Sports Commissioner in the Sky, I didn’t understand
all the wording. But I believe this
simply means that whatever entity the people of the area most identify with is
probably the right one to choose to name the sports team after. All the teams in Chicago are named after that
city because no one cares about the rest of Illinois. You could sooner name it the NE Illinois/NW
Indiana/Southern Wisconsin Whatevers, and it would have the same kind of
resonance. (Except it would be a
mouthful.)
The
Rangers play in Arlington, Texas, which is not a very well-known city outside
that area, despite having almost as many people as Dallas or Fort Worth. So for that and reasons of synergy with their
nickname, they chose to name them after that state. Probably for similar reasons, the Minnesota
Twins chose their state name, even though there had already been a very
successful major sports team in their state named after their biggest city. Bloomington still had to be associated with
the whole state, and as great a name as Twins is, it wouldn’t be possible to
call them the [Insert a single city’s name here] Twins. Nonetheless, I do feel like they are our area’s
team most closely named after the Twin Cities,[i]
which suits me just fine.
A
couple other questions can be brought up in regards to the GSC’s first
rule. What would he have to say about
the Golden State Warriors, who play in Oakland?
First, I would have to argue that no one wants their team named after an
s---hole like “Oaktown”, especially if there is no competing team in San
Francisco, aka The City[ii]. And while Golden State technically refers to
the whole state of California, it specifically highlights the history of
Northern California, whither everyone headed during the area’s famed Gold Rush
of 1849.
Then we
come to the question of Tampa Bay- the fact that they have two rather large
cities surrounding one geographic feature does not necessarily define the area
geographically. It’s said that Tropicana
Field in St. Pete is about a 40 minute drive for anyone from Tampa, and
considering very few people are from that area and Tampa itself actually hosts
a minor league affiliate of the Yankees, this translates to rock-bottom
attendance even when the team is good.
This is easier to justify in the football realm, because with only eight
home games a year, people from all over can completely justify the trip, and
there is very little else competing in that area that time of year. So considering its giant population, its
history as an independent city, and a very recognizable cultural association in
the present-day, Brooklyn can have their Nets- and maybs take the Isles when
they have the chance.[iii]
Rule 2:
Thou must at least play in the same Metro Area as thou claimest thy team
is from.
This is a rule that has
mostly been rectified, although there are a few cases which at least bear
further discussion. The first and
probably most notable is in the Meadowlands of New Jersey, where not one, but
TWO teams claim to represent a city in one state over. I have myself been to new Jersey, and I can
tell you that there’s still a strong association with the Big Apple all the way
over in Northwestern New Jersey, which the Meadowlands is much closer
than. In fact, most of the entire state
of New Jersey is a ‘burb of NYC and they’re content with that. The original incarnation of the MLS franchise
now known as the New York Red Bulls was at least originally called the New
York/New Jersey MetroStars. And they had
to point out that the recent Super Bowl in the unfortunately named MetLife
Stadium[iv]. In the case of the NJ Devils, they found a
great name, a multitude of competition from two other New York hockey teams,
and a nickname with which people of the area identify (plus a few more Cup wins
than those teams in our lifetimes).
The sin
of FC Dallas of MLS is not so much a sin against their fans, but a symptom of
what’s wrong with having a team in that area in the first place. The team plays in Frisco, a city so far outside
Dallas, that no one in the city would try to claim being from Big D. And if that’s where you are resigned to play
as a pro sports team, something needs to be re-addressed about the alignment of
teams in your league[v]. It just sucks that the team happens to be
doing really well so far this year.
The
former Boston Patriots have acknowledged the distance Foxboro is from the
capital of the region in their name, on the west coast, we will soon have an
egregious violation of this rule and the geographic sensibilities of all
Californians. The San Francisco 49ers
are moving to a stadium just outside San Jose (Frank to Joe?) and about a 75
mile trip to the city they profess to represent. I have no
idea what they could do to redefine themselves (not that they’d want to),
but if I was an Oakland Raiders supporter (who are scary enough), I would pull
a George H.W. Bush and tell them “This aggression will not stand”! Nor would I be happy as a resident of San
Jose, for our generosity to go so unacknowledged in the team name. “We’re home of the Earthquakes and Sharks,
for crying out loud!” Naming them
something to do with the Bay Area or NoCal would completely contested by
Oakland, but they might have to take a more Angelic approach to it. In Anaheim, they rarely refer to the ‘Los
Angeles’ moniker, given the risk of alienation to those actually attending the
games, saying simply “Here are your Angels!”
I genuinely feel bad for these teams.
[i]
See My Thoughts on The TC Logo
[ii]
Which I believe the team actually had on their uni’s for a few seasons back in
the day.
[iii]
Brooklyn Jets also has a nice ring to it, considering those two other teams’
second class status in the city, and the presence of JFK on the edge of the
borough.
[iv]
How could they not call it JetBlue Stadium? So much going for that name.
[v]
City of Lakes FC!
