Friday, April 3, 2015

My Reality Teams

Everything in my life relates to sports. I acquired a new cologne yesterday which was actually just an old cologne I had, but then lost since I’ve moved back home.  It was like getting an ace starting pitcher back who is coming off of Tommy John surgery.  It’s probably not the exact same as you remember, but he’s still better than anyone else you got, and gives your whole staff a psychological lift.  But the way I see it, you can’t build a whole rotation around just one.  Which is why I put together a five-bottle staff.
            When I lost my first bottle of Velocity (by Mary Kay) in the move from Nordeast back to the Old Homestead, I was devastated.  I even wanted to go out and get some bottle by some designer or other to replace it.  I think it cost me personally more than I’ve paid for any other of my bottles[i], but I will use it as much as I think is necessary, because it’s really the ace of the staff. (That’s something a smart manager would say, right?)
            Real by American Eagle is my first bottle, so it has paid its dues, and as much as any of the other members of this staff travels pretty well.  Doesn’t lose its head, er, cap too much when it gets caught in a tight spot.  The pedigree on it is pretty good, even though it comes from a team I haven’t had that much affiliation with otherwise.  But I think simply its presence in my arsenal gives all the other bottles a little more genuineness.
            Even though I’m not sure about its cowboy ways or upbringing, McGraw by Tim McGraw adds a little flavor and variety into this rotation, which it was previously lacking.  A solid enough number three in a rotation that could use a bit of wildness.  Could work on its delivery a little bit.  
            Affection by Mary Kay is for sure one of the best pound-for-pound workers that I can turn to, and it travels extremely well.  Despite its small size, I don’t mind using it as a starter on various nights while I’m in town, and often do use it in relief if we’re on the road and get in a jam.
            Ocean by Bath & Body Works is an absolute wreck.  It’s a pretty tall drink of water (or some kind of fluid), and despite its shiny exterior, just can’t bring the stuff anymore.  I’ll use it every sixth or seventh time out, but it’s still frustrating how often its mechanics come undone and it sometimes just makes me want to cut it completely.
Ties don't play baseball. That'd be dumb- the tie game is much more fast-paced and high scoring than that.  So when you play a game like that, you need more players.
            The red tie is what I’ve for a long time now called my Power Tie.  It completely holds down my ensemble and always shows up.  You notice when someone’s wearing a tie of that color, and though I didn’t think much of it when I first got it, this piece of cloth has done enough to lock down a job in the starting lineup for years to come.
            At the small forward position is my Paisley tie- simply put, any collection of this type needs something along the lines of a paisley, and this particular one doesn’t mess around.  It’s pretty solid because it’s almost a Tron-type version of one, with simply the paisley pattern in bright blue on a black background.  It’s gotten oohs and ahhs from onlookers before, and for being one of the first ties I bought, it’s really stood the test of time.
            The Grey Artsy tie is pretty expensive, largely because it’s made out of silk, but it’s also an abstract pattern.  I think of this as more of a “fun” tie, but make no mistake, this one shows up to play.  Given the color scheme, it goes with pretty much anything, and isn’t so wide that you miss part of the big picture.  As an added bonus, it’s a material that’s really easy to actually tie, so I don’t end up stressing it out too much.
            The Blue-Striped tie is one of the least distinctive ties I have, because like its brother the red, it relies on doing one thing well, and it’s something it doesn’t do quite as well as Red.  But because it can do it in the other direction and in a different color, it’s a nice complement.
            The newest tie I have is the Men in Blazers Warpig tie.  I just trotted it out for the first time the other day, and I really like how it showed up.  There’s nothing incredibly commanding about it, but it knows what it’s doing out there, and absolutely makes a statement.  It’s a style that will stick around for a long time, and, if anyone looks close enough, can serve as conversation starter, and maybe even a conversation continuer.

Unfortunately, not all the ties can make the starting lineup, but I have at least three or four more that are solidly in my rotation at this point.
            The Green Checked tie has seen better days, having gotten an irremovable stain in a place that’s almost too-noticeable to wear anywhere people might be interested.  But it for sure used to be in my top two or three favorite ties and I try to break it out occasionally for old-times’ sake.
            The Solid Dark-blue (I do hesitate to say navy) tie is another really good one.  Everyone needs a reliable solid, and this one is definitely the right color of that for me, although I could also use a lighter version at some point.  What I would say is there is a textured pattern in back that if it had any of on the front, would give it the leap into my top three probably.  But it’s also just kind of bulky.
            Finally, I recently broke out an old tie that I had not used for a while on a night that I didn’t think I would care what tie I wore, and it turned out pretty awesome.  It was a tie with a red and light blue small checker-type pattern on it and it worked well as a classy look, which isn’t too closely inspected. (Official name to come...)

Surely these must be the only two sports and accessories Buckeye has a comparison to sports for, huh?  Well, you’re out of luck, pal.  I have at least one more.

The quarterback of my Monday mornings, and Tuesday, Wednesday and every other morning that I’m here, is my New York Mug.  It’s a classic mug with a few years and some dings on it, but there’s no carrier of coffee, tea or other hot liquid which I would rather use than this guy.
            My sister gave it to me as a present (apparently she’s been to New York more times than anyone can remember), and I’ve had an attachment to it ever since.  I don’t just like that it has a matte finish and a cool script for the words New York.  I appreciate more than merely the alternatingly distinct and generic skyline circling from one side of the handle all the way around and ending at the other.  And I more than forgive a little knot in the ceramic of the bottom which may have scratched more nice tables than I’m willing to admit.  But there is also something very satisfying for me as a denizen of a mid-sized city like Minneapolis declaring that there are definitely places out there which I would enjoy visiting and to be reminded of that every morning.[ii]
            It is the quarterback of my lifestyle because if I’m forced to take another of my mugs, its really not the same.  A couple others that I’ve had have completely shattered, but I’m not going to put this one in a situation where that could happen and would rather subject one I don’t like as much, such as the Class of ’06 one.

[i] Nothing
[ii] Suck it, Chicago